On Beyond London, part 3

Alert readers may notice that I’m playing a little fast and loose with chronology in my UK reportage. You know, it’s that timey-wimey thing again. But I’ll get to the Doctor Who Experience later. Or earlier…

First, Black Park. AKA Transylvania. Look familiar?

That’s because it’s right near Pinewood Studios and was featured in pretty much every Hammer film ever made. Not to mention a Doctor Who or two. I really love checking out film locations wherever I go and this was a real treat. I only wish I’d brought a corset and a long, flowy white gown.

When Martyn and I were there, the brooding, gloomy vibe was somewhat undercut by a play being put on by a bunch of little kids. Which segues perfectly into what had to be the most terrifying revelation of my entire UK trip.

I thought The Krankies were evil. This was before I was made aware of the existence of  an even more pervasive and dangerous menace to the mental health of British children.


No, my fellow Americans, that’s not a superhero who provides pants for the pantsless. It’s this berserk kind of drag show for kids. You heard me. Grown men dressing up like women to entertain children. Oh, and there are women dressed up like men too. I’m not making this shit up. I mean, I’m all for gender bending, letting your freak flag fly and engaging in whatever bizzaro perversion lifts your skirt, but keep it over 18, will ya? I think I’ve finally wrapped my brain around the phrase “taking the piss” (the Brit equivalent of “busting your balls”) but I don’t think I’ll ever understand Panto.

However, I will mention that I’ve seen some serious blackmail material. I won’t name names, but you know who you are…

Oh yeah, and Doctor Who.

For the record, I would like to make it clear that I was completely unimpressed with the Doctor Who Experience. I was totally cool and above it all and definitely didn’t geek out like a 7 year old hopped up on pixie stix while flying the Tardis. Anyone who says different is clearly lying and should be reminded of those blackmail photos…

Next up, Harrogate!

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