Mistress Christa’s Dating Website Message Tips

Straight guys, this is for you. Everybody else, feel free to go get a sandwich.

I recently joined several popular dating websites as research. Hilarity ensued.

I’ve made snarky comments about tragic profile pics,  but the real glimpse into the darkness of the human soul came in the form of the hundreds of messages that I received within seconds of posting my profile.

Here’s how to not be like those guys.

1. READ HER PROFILE FIRST! I realize that no one reads more than two words in a row anymore, but if you want to connect with a woman in a meaningful way, you need to actually give a shit about who she is.

2. Show her that you read her profile first by mentioning something that you have in common or something specific and unique that you liked about her in your first message. “I can’t believe someone out there loves MEGAFORCE as much as I do!” or “I really like your eye patch.” Remember that any reasonably attractive female is going to be bombarded with a million generic messages from losers who contact every single female under the age of 90, so “Hi, sexy!” just isn’t gonna cut it.

3. Don’t go stampeding towards the clitoris. Even on a website that is ostensibly for casual hook ups, you’re better off establishing some kind of two-way rapport before hitting her with “r u horny?” or “DTF?

4. This is one for the youngsters, but if you are messaging an older woman like me, DO NOT refer to her as a cougar or MILF unless she self-identifies that way in her profile. It comes off creepy and selfish, kind of like telling someone that you have a fetish for her ethnicity or race. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to older women, but you’re much better off just trying to connect with her as an individual.

5. No means no. If she’s not interested, move on gracefully.

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